


still don't know my name

by constellation_roses



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Boys In Love, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, Ice Cream, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Nicknames, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:29:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27620701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constellation_roses/pseuds/constellation_roses
Summary: Andrew uses a dumb nickname for Neil as a joke, and Neil has two crises back-to-back. Andrew pretends he doesn't care, but he definitely does.I promise it's cute.
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 10
Kudos: 214





	still don't know my name

**Author's Note:**

> can you believe i forgot to have them kiss
> 
> anyway i wrote this in an hour bc i had a deep-seated need to have andrew call neil 'enny'
> 
> also it's not touched on and i use he/him pronouns for neil but assume he's nonbinary bc that's just how i write neil

It started as a joke.

_"Neil. Neiiiiiil. Neilneil. Abram. En. Enny."_

Andrew had been whining his name until Neil finally paid attention to him. It was just a joke, something to rile Neil up until he couldn't ignore Andrew anymore.

But Neil loved it.

He didn't want it to be a joke.

He didn't know how to tell Andrew that.

Growing up, he'd had two dozen names. He traded one name for another every time his mother told him to. None of the names had ever belonged to him, not in the way _Neil Josten_ does now.

At the beginning, he had craved the feeling of ownership that the name _Neil Josten_ had given him. He doesn't need that anymore, he knows the name will belong to him forever. And yet, that stupid nickname. It makes him feel more real.

Some days, Neil forgets that he's a real person now. That he isn't just another runaway. On those days, Andrew whispers _Abram_ and _mine_ and it helps.

But _Enny_ sticks with him. It feels suffocating and comforting all at once. Neil isn't sure how to express these feelings to himself, and definitely not to Andrew.

_Abram_ is still something out of Neil's past. It belongs to him, but also to Nathaniel. It has history, some of which he loves, but most of it he hates. When he thinks about _Abram_ , he thinks about stitching wounds with dental floss in shitty hotel rooms and Andrew's hands peeling bandages off his face.

_Enny_ is different. It belongs solely to the Neil of now. The only memory it contains is one of Andrew being stupid and amazing and beautiful. It feels present. It isn't something he can drown in.

It has no real meaning outside of a stupid, one-off nickname, but Neil is fixated on it for whatever reason.

He tries to find the words for Andrew, but stops short, flapping his hands in frustration.

Andrew, as always, doesn't push. He knows Neil will say it when he's ready. This time, though, Neil wants him to ask. He's not sure he can say it otherwise.

He tries to practice when Andrew is out.

It isn't even that many words.

"I liked it when you called me Enny"

Eight words. And Neil can't say them.

Eventually, Andrew picks up on Neil's frustration. It's been almost a month at this point. Andrew hasn't used the nickname again, but Neil knows he won't have forgotten either.

They're in Andrew's bed, feet touching but nothing else.

"Neil." It's bored, but insistent. "Spit it out."

He's trying to tell Andrew for the fourth time in as many weeks. It isn't working.

He shakes his head, but hopes Andrew will see the look in his eyes telling him to push.

"Okay. When?" Andrew asks, and Neil is overcome by relief that Andrew is able to see him, see what he needs.

"A month ago. You were here, on the bed. I was at my desk."

He can see Andrew piecing together the moment in his head.

"I was trying to get your attention." Andrew says. Neil nods.

"You liked one of the nicknames."

Neil nods again.

"Which one?"

Neil finds himself wanting to curl up and hide.

"Enny," he whispers, so quiet he's sure Andrew can barely hear him.

It shouldn't be this embarrassing. It's a nickname, and a relatively stupid one at that.

He still loves it.

Andrew says, "Okay."

And that's that.

It's as much of a reaction as Neil will get, and he knows that.

Andrew gives him a look. _Go get me ice cream,_ it says.

Neil laughs. He thinks, _I love you,_ and promptly falls off the bed as the thought processes.

It's not that he doesn't know the extent of his feelings for Andrew. It's not that Andrew is still denying that what's between them is _something_ and not _nothing._

_Love_ is a foreign concept to Neil. He mulls it over as he picks himself up off the floor. Andrew is looking at him like he wants to laugh, but also like he wants to open up Neil's brain and find out what he's thinking.

Maybe Andrew is a mind reader. Maybe he already knows what Neil is thinking.

He almost runs from the room at that, nearly missing Andrew's call to bring the pint of mint chip, and not Kevin's disgusting sorbet.

He's still thinking about love when he gets back and throws the mint chip at Andrew's head.

This is how they say _I love you_ , he thinks.

He also thinks that maybe he'd like to say it out loud.

Instead, he grabs the pack of cigarettes and the lighter from the desk drawer and settles in on the windowsill for a smoke. Andrew joins him with his ice cream, and they sit together in silence.

It's nice.

When Andrew finishes his ice cream, he pulls the keys from his pocket and jangles them in front of Neil's face.

"Come on, Enny," He says, vaguely mocking, but still affectionate in the way that only Andrew can be. "Let's go."

They leave the dorm and get in the Mas, and Neil doesn't ask where they're going. He doesn't need to. _I love you,_ he thinks again.

It doesn't eat him up the way the nickname did. It burns in his throat, and Neil feels like he's coughing up ashes.

It's a good thing Neil has been choking on ashes for years.

He's sure Andrew can tell that he still has something to say, but he won't push anymore tonight. Neil thinks if he did, he wouldn't be able to stop himself from saying the words.

They stop at a convenience store for more ice cream. Andrew takes them home. They shower together, a relatively common occurrence on good days, and then they fall into bed.

Neil waits until Andrew falls asleep before turning over to face him. The moonlight strikes white-blond hair and turns it silver, casting shadows across his face.

Andrew is beautiful.

"I love you," He whispers to Andrew's sleeping form.

It's the last thing he sees as he falls asleep.


End file.
